Do I do it for joy or to be loved?
Updated: May 14
When I do things because they feel good to me in the first place, I am generous to the world. This is weird but true.
When I know I have all I need, I am generous of who I am, I am generous of the happiness I feel when doing things (even when they are meant for someone else!). When I feel happy doing something, I let go of myself and of expectations.
When I do something for others, it often means wondering what to do and how to do it so that others will love me. And under the guise of generosity, I am egocentric. It's human. I saw myself wondering endlessly what was the best way to do things, not for me, but for others. "Is it nice enough? How will it be received? Will they be happy? Touched? Changed?" All these questions are only about me. Will I be loved, will I get what I need if I do this? This isn't really generous.
I really think it is time for me (and for you?) to redefine what is generous and what is not. And to think about how I can love and trust myself enough to forget myself for a while, to be truly generous. Generous of who I am, and in my actions.
So, am I happy doing this for the sake of it, or because I want to "give" something (that will consciously or not expect something in return) ?