For those who feel they are too much and not enough
To you who feel as if you are too much and not enough:
I love you, I see you, you are not alone.
Everything is lovable in you, from your head to your toes, from your interstellar questionings to your “stupid” everyday questions.
Do you see what is in you? The power and beauty?
The beauty behind questions so innocent they turn people upside down because you created a small earthquake at the bottom of their ocean and it makes waves. You are the light shining on the bottom of the oceans. You illuminate what others don’t see, and sometimes it’s not well received.
You have been told you “manipulate” people, you “go too far”, you “can’t say that,” you “talk too much“ or you write too much as well #OopsIDidItAgain.
But no, you never wanted to manipulate anyone, it’s just everything inside you overflowing, everything you see, everything you sense that you want to share.
People are not always ready. So you tell yourself there is a problem with you and you try to be smaller.
You shine less hoping you won’t illuminate things.
I tried, it’s like wanting to contain a sun into a very small space, it creates a black hole and you don’t even know you shine anymore. #NotSureWhereMyMetaphorsComeFrom
But who can you share your fascination for supernovas, the Big Bang and quantum entanglement (isn’t quantum physics absolutely amazing?!) with? No one cares, right?
Not ‘normal’ people anyway.
Actually, you’re even a bit stupid to be interested in these things, there are much more important questions in life like ‘Who told Michael his pants were ugly in the real househusbands’ #who or ‘Did you see the last presidential speech, he’s really stupid with his bushy eyebrows. Actually do you think he should lead with a face like this?’
You really wonder why you just can’t care. You wish you did, it would make your life easier. #IKnowTo
You who thought you were abnormal, that all these questions were proofs that you are a bit stupid, not really connected to reality. It’s not true. It is your talent. The way you work. And if it’s different, it’s not any less magnificent. For a lot of people, it’s impossible to understand. But for some it’s possible. You are a rainforest. It’s different from a meadow.
This sensitivity is not too much. I know you end up hating it because it only causes problems. #ThatSTotallyMe
But if you only put it under the rug, you will never learn how to live well with it, and use it as the superpower it is. You can learn. Just like everything else.
Even if you don’t understand. And you wish you did. You who wants to understand everything, who is willing to talk about everything as long as your neurons and your world perception are challenged.
You are not ‘too fast,’ it’s just a different rhythm, and sometimes you need to slow down to be understood. That’s okay, and that can be frustrating.
It’s not too much to have “abilities,” that’s not unfair, it’s just you. You have a hard time with other things. You are allowed to find easy what others find difficult. You are allowed to find difficult what others find obvious. I assure you, you can find people who are okay with that. You can be too.
This is not “deficient” wanting to spend time with yourself instead of partying until 6pm the next day. It’s not a problem to withdraw a bit after being overstimulated by the world.
It’s not lacking something not to be interested in football or gossips. You can obsess over other things.
It’s not a lack if you were awfully bored in school or really bad at it, or if you never went. Maybe it wasn’t a place for you. No worries. You learn in other ways.
It’s not you don’t care, you care a lot actually, but we’re easily distracted when we get bored. So many things in our heads that sometimes we can’t listen to mundane things. And it’s bad for our social life. But we really want to be surrounded, we just don’t know how sometimes.
It’s not a problem not buying into everything that seems “normal” to others.
You are not “ungrateful” because you see and want something else. You are allowed to point fingers at hypocrisy even if sometimes you are too because you are human. It’s not just “annoying” to be pissed at unfairness, it’s human. And maybe it’s your role to point injustices out, if you want to. (If you want to being the main sentence.)
It’s not a problem not to be like “everybody else.” If everyone were the same, what would be the point? You are not the problem. You never were.
It’s okay if your family doesn’t understand you, it’s okay that you tried to be like everyone else without ever succeeding. It’s okay to be you. It’s okay to love reading, or not. It’s okay to be radical. It’s okay to say yes, or no. It’s okay to say what you think.
It’s okay to make waves, even when it’s not your intention and that you would like things to be calm once in a while. You can find people for whom your light will not be an earthquake, for whom waves will be ripples on the surface of their water.
It’s okay to decide you will shine and if others are not ready they are not “your others.” They are here. But you have to stop giving their thousandth chance to people who are not yours. It’s okay if it doesn’t work, you know too well it doesn’t. And it’s not your fault or the other’s, it just is. You will find your people, those you won’t need to contort yourself with. I promise. #PinkyPromise
A lot of us are feeling as if we are too much and not enough at the same time.
You can see all these people who are little lights in the world, and who let themselves shine because blinding yourself is pretty annoying. You will recognize them, and you will know.
That finally you are not alone anymore. That finally, maybe, you can stop trying to pretend you’re a horse when you are a zebra, or a labrador when you are a cheetah.
You are a wild animal who tried to be tame. You don’t have to anymore. Let yourself live.
Let me hug you and tell you everything is going to be alright.