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  • Writer's pictureClara BL

Incompatibilities (or how to create problems where there are none)

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. Sometimes, it seems I think about to many things on purpose not to think about what really matters. A bit like, let’s push all the buttons and see what comes out of it, I won’t know what triggered what anyway. So I think about every topic in the world while I calmly wait for the real one to surface. For example, human relationships are so important to me that I thought non-stop about work for quite a while. #BrainILoveYou

So, today’s subject: what the heck do I want in a romantic relationship? Discovery that is not really new, but still, I do really want to get married and have children. Like family, is the most important thing in the whole wide world for me (says the girl who lives in a different country than her family—weirdly we have never talked so much). You would say, it doesn’t seem a big deal, and it’s not. For me it’s just a really annoying (re)discovery! #IAmWeird

Because this is incompatible with being a strong independent woman (and a feminist—I still don’t believe in a prince charming that will come and save me from my life, let’s be clear, but I know a person can make your life more beautiful). #BePrepared #ImpeccableLogic So, in my head, we cannot be feminist, strong and independent while being more interested in having a family than our professional development (though it is not incompatible AND I love obsessing about that too, let’s be honest #IwriteTooMuch) So a woman who wants a family more than running a billion dollar company while bungee jumping to fight world hunger: it doesn’t really work in my mind. You’re either a strong independent woman or you want a family and you agree to patriarchy. #SimpleAsThat #Obvious

So you can easily imagine my quite funny Sunday anxiety attack. I spent about 18 minutes saying, “Nope! Nope, nope, nope!” every time the very idea of me wanting a “normal*” life with children and a garden reared its head. Do you experience this as well or am I the only one spending time lying on the ground whining because what I want doesn’t really fit the idea I have (had?) of myself? #TellMeIMNotTheOnlyOne #HowToCreateProblems #BullshitIncompatibility

It brings a rightly asked by my beloved @math_slgnc question: what is it to be a woman? And to my great surprise, it seems it could be whatever I want, and it might be that marriage and children are part of it. It doesn’t look super cool* to me, but it makes me happy.*

*A very relative normality, I’m not sure my normal, is most people’s normal, but let’s move on

*PS: I’m under the impression that what we hold on very (too?) tight to is a place where we fight a part of ourselves. Don’t you think? I hold on very tight to the idea of feminism and I despise a bit women who make their family a priority, what part of me do I despise? Cause it’s really cool to have a family if you chose to, right?

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