What is my truth?
Updated: May 14
I am often looking for some kind of truth that would just let me know what to do in every circumstance, so I would be safe for the rest of time, preferably, without having to take risks. And when I don't find this definite, life-saving truth, I look everywhere but inside me. I try to find it in rules others created for me, in a normality that others chose for me, in "but everyone does it!" or "we've always done it that way.”
I am pretty sure this is will lead me nowhere. I mean, if doing things the way I always have was making the world a better place, I think I would know it by now. And, really "Everyone does it,” WTF?! This is one of the most enraging sentences in the history of earth for me. Everyone is doing bullshit so I'll do the same?! And sometimes, I did.
So what about my own truth? What is true for me now? What is the truth that lives in my soul? If I let go of all the shoulds, and the truths that take me away from myself, maybe I could hear it. But it's scary, so I keep looking for truth outside of me, and I stay safe and caged at the same time.
Wether I like it or not, I want safety, above pretty much everything else. And my truths are scary, because they are my own, because I am the only one to carry these truths at that point in time. Sometimes, my truth is far away from what I have learned to be or want. My truth is different from what I expected. Sometimes, my truth is just too big for me. What do I do when what I hear isn't what I want?
Do I still want to stay small? Do you? Do I choose not tell my truth? Not to create that thing, or not to say these words because maybe it'll be too much or not enough? Because it's different from the truth I have learned to like? Will I keep filling up myself with parts of what makes me come alive? Or will I feed my soul and expand beyond what I thought was possible? I little bit of both sometimes. It's a process. I have to make space for my whole truth, as different as it might be, as huge and as scary as I see it. I am sure our individual truths will lead us to Love.
What is true for you now? Your truth matters. Say it, live it. Love will be here.